One of the most challenging shifts I’ve made on my journey to consciously creating my reality has been changing the way I think about the people in my life—both past and present. For years, I perceived many of the individuals around me as narcissistic, self-centered, or incapable of love.

But as I delved deeper into the workings of the subconscious mind, an uncomfortable truth emerged: my relationships with others had far more to do with me than with them. This realization was humbling, to say the least.

The Reflection Principle in Relationships

This idea—that our inner world shapes our outer experiences—runs counter to the way most people view relationships. Typically, we react to the behavior of others. If someone says or does something hurtful, we form an opinion about them based on that experience. They, in turn, react to the energy we project toward them, and this cycle often solidifies our initial judgment. Before long, we find ourselves locked in a pattern of conflict or misunderstanding.

We might label others as cruel, selfish, rude, or uncaring—and our observations seem to reinforce those beliefs. But have you ever paused to ask yourself: What’s happening within me? How am I thinking and feeling about the person I’m judging?

While it’s true that some people may struggle with mental illness, personality disorders, or distorted perspectives, our responsibility lies in how we allow their behavior to affect our inner world. If someone’s actions drag us into a state of anger, fear, or resentment, it’s a signal to look inward.

Owning Our Inner Reality

Here’s the hard truth: we are always responsible for our own reality. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior or tolerating abuse. It means recognizing that our perceptions and judgments of others have a profound influence on the dynamics of our relationships.

Consider the mental conversations you’re having about someone you’re at odds with. Are you replaying arguments or imagining conflict? Are you filled with resentment, anger, or frustration toward them? These inner dialogues don’t just live in your mind—they ripple outward, shaping your interactions and perpetuating the negativity.

Rewriting the Story

So, what’s the solution? It starts with changing your perception. If someone in your life seems narcissistic, selfish, or unkind, step back and examine the narrative you’re telling yourself. Are you fueling the fire with negative mental conversations? If so, it’s time to rewrite the story.

In your imagination, picture the person behaving differently. See them showing kindness, respect, or understanding. Create a new mental dialogue where the relationship improves. For instance, if you’ve been telling yourself, “That person doesn’t like me,” replace it with, “That person likes, admires, and respects me.” Begin imagining positive interactions and outcomes. This isn’t about denying reality—it’s about creating the mental conditions for a better experience.

The Power of Inner Transformation

To be clear, this doesn’t mean staying in toxic or abusive relationships. Some people are deeply unhappy, and their negativity may be something you can’t change. But often, the conflicts we experience are perpetuated by our own reactions, beliefs, and internal stories. By shifting these patterns, we can transform not only how we feel but also how others respond to us.

Our relationships—whether with friends, family, coworkers, or business associates—are among our most valuable assets. To nurture these connections, we must first take ownership of our inner terrain. When we align our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with the kind of relationships we desire, we naturally show up differently—and others will respond to that shift.

Practice Makes Progress

If you’re struggling with someone in your life, try this exercise:

1. Identify the story you’ve been telling yourself about them.
2. Observe the mental conversations you’re replaying.
3. Ask yourself: What kind of relationship do I want to create?
4. Begin imagining interactions that align with that vision. Rewrite the story in your mind and notice how it affects your feelings—and ultimately, your reality.

At the core of all our relationships is the one we have with ourselves. When we cultivate self-awareness, self-love, and inner peace, our external relationships begin to reflect that transformation. The work begins within.

 

If you would like to focus more on your relationship with yourself and ability to manifest the reality you want, join our free Conscious Creators Course and Community.