I have spent a number of years focused on Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the absolute destruction it causes those who are involved in that Web of Illusion.  The deeper I went into the dark world of narcissism the more I learned about myself and how I relate to the world around me.

Where I once looked at narcissism as a personality disorder and the people afflicted with this disorder as the narcissist, I now look at narcissism as the egoic illusion one erects in order to protect himself from the judgment of others.   The more deeply we are wounded and the more abandoned our inner child feels the greater we feel the need to protect ourselves.  The more we choose narcissistic behavior to protect ourselves the greater our narcissism.

We live in a narcissistic world.  It has evolved to a place where every man is out for himself.  There is little real cooperation as leaders of the world are focused on their own image, greed, power and control.  We are forced into roles of competition and slavery in order to fit into the world.  Love is something we often feel we have to manipulate others to get.  We often feel we have to look a particular part, or play a role in order to be perceived as “good.”

We get so entrapped in our roles that don’t even realize we are playing them.  We judge ourselves as superior or inferior depending on external appearances.  This is the grand illusion.  Our ability to be at peace in our own skin is not factored into our ideas of success.  Instead we focus on material accomplishments, i.e. degrees earned, money accumulated, assets, homes, cars, titles, physical appearance, sexiness, associations, and accomplishments.  If one sits under the bohdi tree for twenty years and achieves enlightenment society will deem him crazy; a fool, stupid, wasting his life away, and worthless.  For in his sitting he has achieved no material assets. Read the rest of this entry »

When we receive the wake-up call which has a mission to take us deeper into an experience where we are connected to God and to our true selves we often experience a death.  The death of our old self; the way we used to be; the way things were must be sacrificed in order to experience what is known as a rebirth.

I like to think of a butterfly in the chrysalis, or cocoon who must give up the experience of being a caterpillar in exchange for the experience of being a butterfly.  We would imagine the experience of being a butterfly to be so much more powerful because we are flying up in the sky, above it all, looking down on creation where we once used to crawl.

But in order for that caterpillar to undergo the transformation he must spend a time in the dark web of the cocoon.  This is a time where all outer activity comes to a halt and there is now only the inner process of transformation.  The caterpillar will never crawl again.  He will never know life in the same way again.  He must leave behind what was in order to have what is becoming. Read the rest of this entry »

In my musical life there has been one constant and that is people feeling that I need to write happy music.  Even today, after my Internet Concert I heard someone telling me.  “Now that you’ve taken the journey through darkness maybe you could start writing ‘happy’ music.”  I felt this was a good time to respond to this request.

There is a song out there we’ve all heard “Don’t Worry Be Happy!”  Its a bouncy little tune that has people singing and whistling along.  And it is really a wonderful song.  However it is not my song!  I’m not inspired by “Don’t Worry Be Happy!”  I am inspired by the passion of awakening!  That is what calls me into my studio to create music.  When I feel the build up of emotion welling up from deep within me I am drawn to express that emotion in the most powerful form I have; my music!

Being that I am a sensitive and psychically pick up the emotions of others, I have found my music to be a great outlet for expressing that energy as well.  For example; I wrote the song “Demon Lover” about the dark masculine archetype as a way of processing through all the energy accumulated session after session working with people who have been abused by someone with narcissistic personality disorder.  This is my field of work and I love it.  I love to help others to take that journey through darkness and back into the light.  And I find music to be a powerful part of this journey.  It helps to tap into and unlock emotions that have been supressed.  Someone who is struggling with the “demon lover” archetype could listen to that song and burst into tears, not because the song itself is sad, but because it expresses the very emotion they have been supressing for a long time.  Perhaps during their entire relationship they didn’t feel permission to express their pain and now that they are out they finally realize how much they have stuffed it down.  So the music lends itself to their process of tapping into and expressing emotion that needs to be released in order for healing to occur. Read the rest of this entry »

Lately I have been moving from focusing on narcissism and abuse to focusing on the inner journey that seems to result from narcissistic abuse among other things.  It is normally some deep personal crisis or intense inner pain that leads us into the cocoon where we cease to be our former caterpillar selves but have yet to sprout wings and become the butterfly.

The focus on transformation was a natural evolution of working with people who have arrived at this fragile state and in need of guidance in order to understand where they are now and where they are going.  Those who have been stung by the narcissist, can’t go back to life before they met him, or her.  It is a similar state as one who is facing a terminal illness, a death of a loved one, a rape or a tragedy of some sort.   Something has changed that can’t be unchanged.

I like to look at this journey as the journey of the caterpillar to the butterfly.  Once the caterpillar enters the chrysalis there is not going back.  He is wrapped in the web of the cocoon and the transformation process is underway.  This is the time where little seems to be happening on the outside.  It can feel very stagnant and slow yet very painful.  It can seem like not a lot is happening in ones life for the good.  This is because all the energy in ones life is being directed towards the inner transformation.  It is not a time for outer accomplishments, socialization and external appearances.  It is a time of hibernation, of withdrawing from life and the world and focusing ones energy inward. Read the rest of this entry »

This year my intention is to be much more real this year than I was last. The quest to know thyself and reveal what is authentic beneath the layers of the lies that must be shed. As I delve into the work of revealing the narcissist to the world, I must also reveal the narcissist within and once its disguise is exposed I find more of who I really am.

I was walking out in the snow this afternoon with my dogs, on the trail to the river, which takes us through a beautiful pine forest. My walks are often where I get my greatest inspiration and also the deepest messages from spirit. The realization that came to me today was “the one who tells the truth has the greatest personal power.”

I work with many people who feel very deceived in their relationships with a partner who lies to them and misleads them on a regular basis. It is easy to feel disempowered by the lack of honesty in the relationship. The best course of action to reclaim your personal power is to be honest with yourself, regardless of what the other is doing. The truth always comes out in the end.

The person telling the truth is real. While those who avoid the truth are living a lie. Lies are based on fear and insecurity. They are based on a desire to manipulate and fear of accountability. I realized that I have gained the most in my life from finding my authenticity. The more real I become the better my life gets. Read the rest of this entry »