True love can only be found within ourselves. If we have not taken the journey into the darkness where we meet our own soul, we can never truly know another. It is when all distractions are pushed aside and there is nothing left but the experience of our own existance that we descend into the dark realm of the unconscious or psyche.
It is our desire for unity and oneness that causes us to merge with another and form a bond of love that becomes our relationship. We are under the illusion that love is something we can only find outside of ourselves. The problem is that when we seek love on the outside we give our power to an outside entity to complete us and make us whole. We romanticize our potential mates and project onto them our “ideal.” I can’t help think of the popular phrase in the movie “Jerry McQuire” where Tom Cruise’s character says “You complete me!” It is so romantic because it appeals to our belief that a romantic partner has the power to make us whole. But this is a farce. We give someone outside of ourselves the power to make us whole we also give him or her the power to cut us in half. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m on the plane to Sedona, Arizona listening to five of the songs I’m working on for the new Emergence CD. It’s good traveling music; kind of a ethereal realm meets technology. I suppose it is a marriage between the two.
Sometimes marriage can bring together two things from opposite ends of the spectrum and blend quite nicely. When it is two people trying to get along the difference can be what break the couple apart. But when you marry two different sounds, schools of thought or even fashion statements it can really work well. Perhaps if in our personal relations we would do better to appreciate the differences in our mate rather than searching for a clone of ourselves. If we had another self we would likely be very bored, because there would be nothing to spark new ideas or challenge us to try new things.
However I realize how much I do like my own company. When we get to this place where we really love to be with ourselves I think we have arrived. We have come to a place of self actualization. I love all those creative ideas always flowing through my mind, the music that comes through my soul and the crazy idealistic lifestyle I strive for. I love that I am always working to be better and better in everything I do. I love that I don’t believe in getting old, or fundamentalist religions. I love that I try to eat only what grows naturally and in its natural form. I love that I can talk to my son about pot and sex without it being any big deal for either one of us. I love that I have pursued my ideas and made a life for myself that allows me to travel and embark on these awesome spiritual journey’s. I love that I love! And because of this I love myself! Because of this I love others so much easier. And I can accept the differences in others with interest and curiosity. Read the rest of this entry »
Lately I have been moving from focusing on narcissism and abuse to focusing on the inner journey that seems to result from narcissistic abuse among other things. It is normally some deep personal crisis or intense inner pain that leads us into the cocoon where we cease to be our former caterpillar selves but have yet to sprout wings and become the butterfly.
The focus on transformation was a natural evolution of working with people who have arrived at this fragile state and in need of guidance in order to understand where they are now and where they are going. Those who have been stung by the narcissist, can’t go back to life before they met him, or her. It is a similar state as one who is facing a terminal illness, a death of a loved one, a rape or a tragedy of some sort. Something has changed that can’t be unchanged.
I like to look at this journey as the journey of the caterpillar to the butterfly. Once the caterpillar enters the chrysalis there is not going back. He is wrapped in the web of the cocoon and the transformation process is underway. This is the time where little seems to be happening on the outside. It can feel very stagnant and slow yet very painful. It can seem like not a lot is happening in ones life for the good. This is because all the energy in ones life is being directed towards the inner transformation. It is not a time for outer accomplishments, socialization and external appearances. It is a time of hibernation, of withdrawing from life and the world and focusing ones energy inward. Read the rest of this entry »
This year my intention is to be much more real this year than I was last. The quest to know thyself and reveal what is authentic beneath the layers of the lies that must be shed. As I delve into the work of revealing the narcissist to the world, I must also reveal the narcissist within and once its disguise is exposed I find more of who I really am.
I was walking out in the snow this afternoon with my dogs, on the trail to the river, which takes us through a beautiful pine forest. My walks are often where I get my greatest inspiration and also the deepest messages from spirit. The realization that came to me today was “the one who tells the truth has the greatest personal power.”
I work with many people who feel very deceived in their relationships with a partner who lies to them and misleads them on a regular basis. It is easy to feel disempowered by the lack of honesty in the relationship. The best course of action to reclaim your personal power is to be honest with yourself, regardless of what the other is doing. The truth always comes out in the end.
The person telling the truth is real. While those who avoid the truth are living a lie. Lies are based on fear and insecurity. They are based on a desire to manipulate and fear of accountability. I realized that I have gained the most in my life from finding my authenticity. The more real I become the better my life gets. Read the rest of this entry »
