Lately with all of the fear circulating around 2012 including a movie that clearly paints the vision of the end of the world, I have had to ask myself. What if I only had three years to live? What would I do? How would I do things differently?

I realized that this was a theme I needed to embody. Because if we had but three years to change the world, what would we do differently?

The only world that I can change is the world within me. I can change the way I relate to the world. I can change my relationship with myself and with nature. I can change how I relate to others. I can do those things I feel intuitively guided to do.

In talking to a friend tonight I realized that narcissism, which I’ve built my life’s work around, is the opposite of transparency. And it is transparency that I most desire. I don’t want to hide who I am from the world. I want to just let who I am shine through. It is the narcissist who is intimidated by the light and tries to shut it down. I allowed my light to be snuffed out!  But it was my natural inclination to shine.  That is who I am and what I am here for. 

As I worked to understand the narcissist I had to understand also the inner narcissist; the part that resides in my shadow; the part I disown within myself.  It is the part that is not transparent, who feels shame, guilt, inadequacy and attempts to hide it from the world.  Along with those unacceptable feelings and emotions come the hiding of desire, passion, honesty, silliness, ignorance, and also the bitch, the hostility, the anger and all that is not considered attractive.  Like most I have found that I live inside an image.  I believe I should present myself in a way that is “acceptable” at least to a certain group within society. 

Yet what would happen if the world suddenly became transparent?  What if we moved through this portal as a whole and suddenly we became naked?  What if we could see the agendas, the fears, the insecurities, the lies, the deceit, and the depth of our isolation and loneliness? Read the rest of this entry »

Deeper Reflections on the Arizona Sweat Lodge Incident

I was talking to a girlfriend who I sit with every Friday in “Women’s Lodge.”  We were reflecting on the Arizona Sweat Lodge Tragedy with James Ray and I was telling her I had just written an article about this.  The irony is we were also celebrating my CD “Emergence” going to manufacturing that day.  And the theme of “Emergence” is really about the emerging of the feminine into her rightful place of power right along side of the masculine.

The masculine energy is all about the push.  It is about the “doing!”  There is a place for pushing and doing but there is also a place for surrender and being.  These qualities have gotten a bad rap in our primarily patriarchal society.  James Ray is a prime example of focusing on the “push” to get ahead in life.  And for so many people “financial gain” is what it is all about.  It is the financial gain that gives people a sense of worth and value in their lives.  The more money one has the more admiration he/she receives.  It is the ultimate sign of success.

Spiritual enlightenment and the ability to sit still and reflect don’t figure very prominently in the average persons view of success.

From the information I have gathered James Ray’s Spiritual Warriors program was not about success but rather survival.  It was a survival program and several did not survive.  Did this make them weak?  Did it make them failures?  Or did it make them a victim of a man who was playing God? Read the rest of this entry »