Lately I have been moving from focusing on narcissism and abuse to focusing on the inner journey that seems to result from narcissistic abuse among other things.  It is normally some deep personal crisis or intense inner pain that leads us into the cocoon where we cease to be our former caterpillar selves but have yet to sprout wings and become the butterfly.

The focus on transformation was a natural evolution of working with people who have arrived at this fragile state and in need of guidance in order to understand where they are now and where they are going.  Those who have been stung by the narcissist, can’t go back to life before they met him, or her.  It is a similar state as one who is facing a terminal illness, a death of a loved one, a rape or a tragedy of some sort.   Something has changed that can’t be unchanged.

I like to look at this journey as the journey of the caterpillar to the butterfly.  Once the caterpillar enters the chrysalis there is not going back.  He is wrapped in the web of the cocoon and the transformation process is underway.  This is the time where little seems to be happening on the outside.  It can feel very stagnant and slow yet very painful.  It can seem like not a lot is happening in ones life for the good.  This is because all the energy in ones life is being directed towards the inner transformation.  It is not a time for outer accomplishments, socialization and external appearances.  It is a time of hibernation, of withdrawing from life and the world and focusing ones energy inward.

When I work with my clients they seem to find comfort in knowing that they are simply in the womb of creation, being transformed (moved from one form to the next.)  Instead of beating themselves up for being stagnant, withdrawing from society, friends and family and not doing much of anything they can embrace the process and see it as a natural, normal requirement of deep inner change.  It is a spiritual process that requires we go inward and pull our energy from the world.  Well meaning friends may try and get you to go out and be social, but perhaps its just not where you need to be right now.  Maybe you need to be right where you are.

The process of change from the caterpillar to the butterfly is a slow one.  It doesn’t happen overnight.  The more you try and push the process, or resist it the longer it will take.  There is a story of a boy who tried to help a moth out of the cocoon by pulling the webbing away with a pair of tweezers.  He had been studying the moth in its transformation and hated to see it struggling so hard to break free from the cocoon.  What he didn’t realize is that the moth needed that struggle in order to develop its wing muscles so it could fly.  The moth died because it couldnt’ fly.  The process had been rushed and it was not sufficiently prepared to break free of the cocoon.

The cocoon is a hard protective shell that keeps the moth or butterfly safe during its transformational process.  Nature does provide protection and it is part of our natural inclination to stay indoors and hibernate during such a process.  If we try to reenter life too quickly we will find that we aren’t quite prepared.  Our wings may not yet be strong enough to fly.  It is best to stay in your process until you feel good and ready to emerge.  This is an excellent time to nurture yourself, to eat healthy foods, do yoga, take walks, read good books, listen to audio programs and anything else that will assist you in stepping into your new form.

When in this process it is also important to look at the catalyst in a new light.  This is the narcissistic entity or the incident that set you on the path of transformation.  Although we can feel very angry at the injustice it is important to realize that some of the most painful circumstances in life bring about the greatest change.  If we embrace that change with a positive attitude and mindset we can be transformed into something much greater than the old.  If, on the other hand, we resist and stay angry we will remain stuck and never experience the birth into our new form.

Some signs that you are stuck is staying in anger, blaming, resentment and a desire for revenge.  Although these can be perfectly normal feelings to experience initially, it is important to deal with these feelings and move beyond them.  If you find you are stuck you may want to seek help to get the energy moving in your life.  Usually the energy needs to move to a point where you are experiencing your own pain, accessing the wounded inner child, fear of abandonment, early disempowering events, voicelessness and other factors that have contributed to your present life circumstances.

We can’t change others or control what anyone else does in their life, but we can change ourselves.  We can take that journey within and meet with those aspects of ourselves that have been hiding in the shadows of our psyche.  The more we uncover those lost aspects of ourselves and befriend them the more of ourselves we bring with us when we are birthed into the light.  The process of recovering those lost parts of ourselves makes us whole.  And when we are whole we are no longer searching for that lost self on the outside in dysfunctional relationships with those who can’t give us what we need.

In order to assist with the inner journey of transformation I just released a new audio hypnosis program to guide you through the process and help you to get comfortable with it on a deep level.  It is designed to help you embrace the change, relax into it, improve your self esteem, self worth and spiritual awareness.  It provides a beautiful visualization process with a relaxing musical background.  While listening you can begin to envision yourself in a new life, more easily let go of the old and release the energy attached to the life you must now give up in order to fully embrace the new.  You can use the 55 minute audio program on a daily basis as a relaxing meditation, or therapy to keep you moving in the right direction.  This program is excellent to help you make an immediate shift in consciousness if you are feeling sad, angry, jealous or experiencing any other intense emotion including grief.  Find out more…