I often talk about the dark Goddess because she has been a constant companion in my life. She is the feminine power that works within the deep unconscious realm that we are often unaware of. She visits us in the form of personal crisis, health issues, and the dark night of the soul. Sometimes it is in our deepest struggles that we become aware of the Dark Goddess stripping away our illusions of who we believed ourselves to be so that we can know ourselves on deeper levels.
It is easy to identify with the light, with what is good in our lives, with what is good about ourselves. The challenge is to look into that shadow and see there is still so much work left to do. But the truth is…as long as we are here, living and breathing there is work left to do. I realize for myself that the more I am willing to surrender to the dark Goddess, at work in my life, and go deeper into my own darkness the more I can be of service to humanity. Because it is that same dark shadow that looms over humanity that resides also within me. The more I can purge, cleanse and purify my own body, mind and spirit the lighter I can walk upon this planet and the more I can contribute to the over all healing of Mother earth.
Lately my personal challenge has been my own health. I am one who is very health conscious and always doing what I believe to be the right things in regards to eating right, exercising and taking good care of myself. But even in the pristine environment I have created for myself I find myself plagued with symptoms I can only describe as loss of vitality, stiffness, pain and fatigue. It is easy to feel angry at the powers that be, who I believed should be rewarding my efforts at maintaining a high raw diet, daily yoga and walking with an abundance of youthfulness, energy and vitality. Instead I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, almost every night, walking like an old woman downstairs to find something to do in the wee hours of the darkness, while constantly rubbing out the pain in my body. I ask why? Why is this happening? What is it that is happening? What is the cure? How do I get my youth and my vitality back?
I can’t help but feel that the Dark Goddess, at work in my life, is trying to get my attention. It isn’t about diet this time, it isn’t about getting enough exercise, or doing the right thing externally. It is about doing the right thing internally. Because that is what she comes to show us. If I resist the path that is wanting to unfold in my life then I will feel that resistance in my body. I will feel the hardening of the rigid contructs I have built my life under in the form of joint pain and a sense of unwellness. And so I have to confess. I have to talk about the truth. I have built a comfortable little life for myself. One where I sit home and write, talk on the phone to clients and work on my book, a slow process. I have loved my life because it is fairly uncomplicated. I have a nice man in my life who supports me in what I do, I have a great home in the Country with a couple dogs, cats and peacocks running around. They are my family. And yet I am being uprooted. The voice within is telling me I have become too comfortable. It is time to get up and get moving, in another direction. It is time to leave my quiet, comfortable paradise and join the world again. It is time to physically get off the laurels I have been resting upon and take my work to a whole new level. It is the lack of movement in my life that has caused the rigid pain in my body, the sleeplessness and a strong feeling that I am not doing what I’ve come here to do.
I’ll admit, the fear holds me back. I’ve never cared for public speaking, performing, and taking on too much financial responsibility that might come in the form of opening that spiritual center I came to the Northwest to open. And yet it is my calling. It is the calling I have resisted for three years. I did some good things while I was waiting. But my work at home lifestyle had become too safe, too isolated, and in so many ways I was hiding my light from the world and so that light was beginning to dim.
I realize it is time to take my ministry to a whole new level. It is time to step out into the public domain rather than hiding away in my Web domain. It is time to form real human bonds rather than virtual bonds.
Living in a virtual reality for so long I realize I am not alone. Many of us have faded into our virtual worlds and never really walk amongst the living, breathing people around us. We have sheltered ourselves from our neighbors and our friends have become the people in our virtual social networks. Although the Internet has been a great thing, and still is, it is also easy to get lost in virtual land, and to disconnect from the heart of humanity. I for one, believed I had a great life here in cyber land. But my physical body is showing me that I am taking it for granted. It is time for me to create something out there in the physical world that brings people together in the physical for the purpose of spiritual growth and connection. That is my calling! And when we ignore our calling in the world we can be guaranteed a visit from the dark Goddess who will come to shake up our comfortable little realities we have created.
The next step for me now is to listen and to follow the guidance I am hearing. That is the next step for all of us. Will we do it? Not always. But I know it is the only way to truly be alive in the world and by confessing to you that I have fallen short of my purpose in this life, perhaps I can inspire and encourage you to come along with me, to turn up the volume so you can hear the guiding spirit in your own life a little louder.