Lately with all of the fear circulating around 2012 including a movie that clearly paints the vision of the end of the world, I have had to ask myself. What if I only had three years to live? What would I do? How would I do things differently?

I realized that this was a theme I needed to embody. Because if we had but three years to change the world, what would we do differently?

The only world that I can change is the world within me. I can change the way I relate to the world. I can change my relationship with myself and with nature. I can change how I relate to others. I can do those things I feel intuitively guided to do.

In talking to a friend tonight I realized that narcissism, which I’ve built my life’s work around, is the opposite of transparency. And it is transparency that I most desire. I don’t want to hide who I am from the world. I want to just let who I am shine through. It is the narcissist who is intimidated by the light and tries to shut it down. I allowed my light to be snuffed out!  But it was my natural inclination to shine.  That is who I am and what I am here for. 

As I worked to understand the narcissist I had to understand also the inner narcissist; the part that resides in my shadow; the part I disown within myself.  It is the part that is not transparent, who feels shame, guilt, inadequacy and attempts to hide it from the world.  Along with those unacceptable feelings and emotions come the hiding of desire, passion, honesty, silliness, ignorance, and also the bitch, the hostility, the anger and all that is not considered attractive.  Like most I have found that I live inside an image.  I believe I should present myself in a way that is “acceptable” at least to a certain group within society. 

Yet what would happen if the world suddenly became transparent?  What if we moved through this portal as a whole and suddenly we became naked?  What if we could see the agendas, the fears, the insecurities, the lies, the deceit, and the depth of our isolation and loneliness? Read the rest of this entry »

Over the past year I’ve been diligently working on my new CD “Emergence” and was in a celebratory mood when I finally sent it off to manufacturing.  It was a lot of work, but in many ways it was effortless to produce.  Because I surrendered to a force within me that had its own rhythm and its own path to walk.  Emergence didn’t have lyrics like my other CD’s.  It was just pure expression of the feminine voice wailing, chanting and singing her songs of the unleashed spirit.

It is that unleashed spirit that I believe we are all seeking.  That feeling of being able to completely surrender to something much greater than ourselves and allow it full expression in our lives.  It is not an act of doing but rather an act of being.

During the process I came up against  a lot of opposition, mostly technical but I also had some human opposition.  It seems that the dark forces of the universe were putting obstacles in my path to prevent me from fully stepping into my truest expression.  I was challenged on many levels but finally after successfully moving through each challenge things just clicked into place and the project sort of completed itself.

The way I found myself moving through these challenges wasn’t about pushing.  It was really about surrendering.  I found myself just letting go of any and all expectation of what I thought this CD should be and simply allowed it to be what it was.  I realized that this was really a huge accomplishment for me because I had successfully learned to surrender to the will of God/Goddess and give the feminine intuitive voice expression.  Read the rest of this entry »